Therapy for Women Who Love ‘Them’
Them = Fathers, Husbands and Sons
This may seem like an odd page to have…
But let me explain. Often women who come see me for therapy are struggling in relationships with men in their life. This could be a father, a son, or a husband.
In some way, the woman is experiencing distress, actually… feeling pretty rejected. Therapy is a way to understand their confusion and frustration.
There is a deep need for connection and communication that is lacking. Through our time together, a sense of clarity forms and a better understanding of themselves and the men they love.
Men tend to shut down and resist sharing emotions –
Especially when experiencing strong feelings. And when they hear someone else’s problem, they go into fix-it mode. As this happens time and time again, resentment builds. And then the questions start coming, “Do they love me?” “Do I love them?”
The service I offer is a perspective of men
I work with men day in and day out through therapy. Men crave acknowledgement and feeling appreciated but often have not developed the communication to say this.
Although I focus my practice on men’s issues, women do come to see me. I work with individuals across gender and age.
Often, we make assumptions and hold beliefs that build over time. Here is a little parable that will explain this point.
A couple is cooking a big dinner to celebrate their first wedding anniversary. They decide to make a ham. The husband notices the wife cutting off the ends of the ham; the same way her mother always did. Husband is confused because to him that is the most delicious part; he says, “Why do you cut off the ends? – that’s the best part!” She replies, “That’s the way my mother always made it.”
Soon they call her mother, who replies, “That’s how your grandma made it; call her and ask.”
The wife is very curious at this point because there must be some mystical, magical reason for this. Undoubtedly, to make the tastiest ham.
So, the wife calls her grandmother and asks why she cuts both ends off the ham. To which grandma replies, “Dear, that’s the only way it fits in my pan!”
Perspective and illusion
Life is busy with work, family, errands, and friends. We move from moment to moment on auto-pilot, in some regard. We take mental shortcuts with those closest to us. Instead of stopping and thinking about why someone does what they do – we make assumptions.
Therapy is a way to learn how to test the assumptions, like “my husband doesn’t love me because he doesn’t communicate the way I want him to.”
By slowing down to understand our own thoughts and beliefs and feelings, we develop a patience for those we love. We don’t take it personally, but rather take time to be clear about what we want and why. And perhaps even most importantly, how to communicate this.